Bob's Diary
by photographwall
Summary: Robert Paulson a.k.a. Bob is a member of a testicular cancer group. One day a mysterious man named Cornelius joins to the group and changes bob's life. Disclaimer: I don't own anything, Fight Club belongs to Chuck Palahniuk


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****Summary:** This is a Fight Club fic with pairings Jack/Bob, Jack/Marla.Robert Paulson (a.k.a. Bob) is a member of a testicular cancer group. One day a mysterious man named Cornelius joins to the group and changes Bob's life.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, Fight Club belongs to Chuck Palahniuk

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Monday, the 13th of September

9:07 am

I wake up and see myself in the mirror.

"I'm still a man", I say. Then I repeat that for six times as if trying to convince myself that I'm a man. That even though I have huge tits, it doesn't make me a woman… right?

"I'm a man. I can get through this. I'm a man. I'm a- "

And this is usually where I crack. I repeat it day after day, never quite able to stop myself from crying out loud. The old lady who used to live next door said she couldn't take my sobbing and screaming anymore, so she moved out. Now she lives somewhere in Alaska, which is as far away from me as possible.

I take my coat and run outside, in the cold air of September. Today is my third meeting with the "Remaining Men Together" support group. It's for men like me who have testicular cancer and are unsure of themselves. For me, it's the only place where I can really be understood and it's good to know that I'm not alone with my feelings. I used to be a body builder. Now all I am is a cheap version of man, not comparable with anything or anyone. The hormone treatments did that to me. Pathetic, isn't it?

Monday, the 20th of September

5:35 pm

I think I'm still dreaming.

Today something unbelievable happened. It's kind of hard to explain but I met an angel a guy. His name is Cornelius and he has testicular cancer too! I think I'm not going to wash my shirt because his tears are all over it. I told him my sad history and then it was his turn to cry... I still remember the very first moment when I saw him. I knew that we could be lovers friends and I know he really understands me, better than anyone. I can't wait until next Monday to see him again!

This feeling is something I've never experienced before… not even with my ex- wife. Oh, I hear the phone ringing. It must be one of my daughters so I'd better answer. I don't want them to think I have more important things to do than speak with them, which is true so I'll go now.

Monday, the 18th of October

8:48 pm

He's so much better than any food in the world.

He doesn't know it yet, but I do love him very much. Cornelius, he is just too good for me! When I first started at "Remaining Men Together", nobody wanted to be my partner and I think it's maybe because of my looks, but then Cornelius came and I felt so much better! Anyway, it's been almost a month now and I think things are going well between us. Oh, except this one thing…

Today we were hugging (and I hope he couldn't hear how my heart was pounding faster and faster) and he was crying on my shirt when this strange woman walked in. She had a black hat, sunglasses and a cigarette in her hand.

"This is cancer, right?" she asked and suddenly I felt how Cornelius stiffened under my arms. He pulled himself away from me and couldn't take his eyes off her for the rest of the day. I was a little upset because it felt like she had stolen him from me… Even her name was Marla.

Who names their child Marla? Fuck that woman. I'm going to bed.

Sunday, the 28th of November

10:23 pm

My world is crashing down.

It has been a shitty day. The weather is from hell and the wind has been blowing so hard, that I haven't got any peace all day. Tomorrow is another meeting of my support group, but I think Cornelius won't show up. After the night when that damned Marla Singer (or whatever the fuck her name was) came to the meeting, she stole _my_ Cornelius and my only friend. I will never forgive her! Anyways, there has been something really weird going on because Cornelius has left me all alone and he hasn't showed up to any meetings anymore. A rumour tells that Marla would've called him and that he'd told her something like this:

He's busy

He's out of town

He found something even better than the support group

I just hope it isn't another man… Because that would mean Cornelius hated me all along! Why is this world so cruel? Why is it that I have to be alone and lose my manhood and my only light in this darkness…? Oh, Cornelius, he really was the best thing that ever happened to me…

Friday, the 3rd of December

3:16 pm

This is unreal.

I found out why Cornelius had been away for so long. It was because - well, I'm not allowed to tell anyone anything about it. Not even you, my dear diary. But I can try to remember how our conversation went.

I was walking down a street with a "Happy Meal" in my hands. Just when I was eating especially tasty part of the burger, I stopped and just stared. It couldn't be true, it really couldn't. But oh yes, it was. There he stood, my sunlight, my angel, my savior. _Cornelius._

"Cornelius?!" I shouted, because I wasn't completely sure. But then he turned around and oh yes, it was a miracle.

"Bob?" he said, sounding surprised. I walked quickly to him and hugged him with my free hand.

"So good to see you! What have you been up to lately?" he asked.

Oh no. That was the question I had feared. I haven't even told you because I'm not allowed to, but I bet this conversation explains something without breaking any rules.

"Well… The first rule is; I'm not allowed to talk about it. The second rule is; I'm not allowed to talk about it. The third rule- "

"Yeah, I know. I'm in it too."

I know you won't understand a bit what I just explained, but believe me when I say that I was really surprised. Cornelius was in it too! He even knew the guy who had started it. But that's all I can say now. It has been really amazing… Cornelius really feels something for me, I hope… At least he was glad when he met me again.

I'll write more later.

Saturday, the 25th of December

6:03 pm

Oh my God. After standing in the front porch of Tyler for _three fucking nights_ I finally understood something. He has some serious problems. I just wish he'd be my Cornelius, the same man I met at the first meeting of "Remaining Men Together". I've learned a lot of things, like how to fight, but in the meantime I wish it would be just me and him. Everybody in the house knows that there's something going on with Marla and him, but everyone also knows that Tyler sometimes gets these weird attacks when he speaks to himself as if he'd be two different persons. I can't really understand it… But he's still in my mind. Always.

Now I have to go. We're doing some stuff I'm not allowed to talk about, but I'll be back. I think I'm going to tell Tyler what I feel for him… Just as soon as I get back.

Sunday

(Can't bother to check the time)

So… this was Robert's diary. I know I'm a bad person to be reading someone's diary, but now that he's deceased… he was a good man. Really loyal to Fight Club (yeah, I'm breaking all the rules now, but whatever, because I created them) so I didn't let the others to bury him in the garden. He deserved to die with honour and respect. I think we're all going to miss him very much…

That's all about that… R.I.P. Robert Paulson


End file.
